So, once again, I had a hard time with the contemplative exercise this week. (I have begun to realize that I really have a problem quieting my mind :/ ) To me, the subtle mind exercise was even harder than the loving kindness because there was less "guiding," so to speak. In the loving kindness practice, first you are instructed to focus on a loved one, then yourself, then a group...yada yada yada. The point is, I was relaxing my mind but was also constantly alert or actively following the directions. (Basically my mind thought it was still busy, so it didn't seem as awkward for me.) However, in the subtle mind exercise, the focus was to quiet and relax the mind by focusing on my breathing. That's it. No more steps really, no more guiding. Just focus on my breath and don't think. Guess what?! When I'm trying not to think, all I seem to want to do is THINKTHINKTHINK. It must be my mommy-brain taking over, but I tend to continuously think 10 steps ahead of myself. And I know the exercise says to just bring your focus back to your breathing if you get distracted, but I seemed to have to do that constantly! I even caught myself thinking "Up.Down.Up.Down" with each breath, which is obviously not helping to quiet my mind any. So my overall impression is that while this exercise seemed a lot harder, it is probably just because I really need it. I'm definitely going to make this a daily habit from now on since I obviously NEED the practice.
In health and happiness,
Hannah
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